After the passing of the love of my life, I'm totally not in the mood to blog anymore. But a lot has been going on lately for me - spiritually, mentally, physically.

Last month, for 6 days, I felt happiness and peace which I never felt since my mom's passing because a lover of God was in town. Not many even paid him any attention, but he was special. Spending time with this lover of God was extraordinary - and I know for a fact I will probably never experience that again, since a lover of God will be known sooner or later and receive much attention. It reminds me of how the Prophet (saw) went through the loss of his loved ones, and after that he received the blessing of Isra' Mikraj. To a much smaller and incomparable extent, that was what the 6 days felt like.

My mom's passing reminds me of death - and how important it is that you have ibadah & spiritual connection so that when you are at your final moments, those two things will help you. I cannot even begin to understand where my mom is, the how, the why - it is all spiritual & only Allah swt knows. At her deathbed, I was reading Yasin, Wird & Burdah. She cried when I was reading Burdah. I even told her what the Wird was and what the Burdah was. I was reading Salatul-Fatih to her all the way from the time she was sick to the time when they lowered down the body in the grave. You have no idea what to do when your loved ones are sick or dying, but you've got to pratice everything you ever learn and believe it will help the sick and dying. That is the only thing you can do. You cannot lose hope - you can only pray.

Now that I've completed sending her off, I'm finally feeling sad. I didn't cry at all from the moment I heard about her passing until her funeral. But now that everything's settled, I do feel sad from time to time. May Allah swt bless her soul. Even now that she's in another place, she is still concerned when one of us is sick. My mom is the biggest wali to me.