2009/12/28

I thought about it a few months ago and I continue to think about it. Having talked to one of my best friends, she pointed out that if I'm as unhappy as I seem to be, I should really just put an end to everything, rather than suffer the same thing over and over again. It was probably the first time I actually talked to my friend about it, and I suddenly realised just how unhappy I had been for over a year, and how much I've hidden everything so that none of my unhappiness ever surface.

For once, I would have begged to be left alone. Don't play mind games with me. Don't promise me anything. Don't bother me anymore. I have been unhappy for more than a year, or do you not see that because you are too busy with your friends?

I seriously need to be left alone and to find that happiness which has been stolen from me. Enough is enough.

2009/12/27

Fb vs Blog
Sometimes I think technology is a real destructive element. Take for example the web. Thanks to the web, people can be on facebook and MSN 24 hours. Some are so addicted to it they spend more time on it than with their families. It's really sad. Of course they build excuses for spending so much time on it, as do all addicts. Saying they cannot sleep is one good reason. Studies show that it is because they spend so much time in front of the computers that they cannot sleep yet they say the opposite. How ironic.

Sometimes you talk to these people and they cannot even bother to answer you properly, and give an answer like "Whatever" or "Up to you" and they continue chatting on and on with their friends. Their friends are like third parties who are never physically there but always intruding into your life with the help of technology. It is perfectly fine if that's the end of it. Unfortunately, it isn't.

So they leave you to make your own decisions because they can't be bothered about what you say or do (and you feel like crap cause it's like they are being forced to do what you want to do). You keep asking whether there's anything they want to do, but they say "I'm fine with anything." Only later on, when you've already decided and planned everything on your own do they end up screwing everything up by saying, oh they want to do this, and they want to do that, they want to go here, and they want to go there. Everything that you planned get majorly screwed up and caused you to suffer. Why? Because they want to help some friends. In addition, to salvage the situation, they could have told you the truth, but they chose to lie about how much they have to avoid expenditure. You found out later that they have been lying, which seriously makes you wonder where you are in their lives. You are obviously not as important as friends or money. The best thing to do for these people is to let them be in the company of their friends 24 hours and not be standing between them. Some people are just not worth it, some things are not worth saving.

It is like a wife who asks the husband, "What do you want to eat?" and he simply says, "Anything." as he continues to watch the soccer game. Only after the wife cooks a grand lobster dish and had spent 3 hours did the husband come to the kitchen to say, "Oh, I don't eat lobster." Now that is crappy behaviour.

The same goes with handphone. It used to be people make promises to meet somewhere at a certain time and they keep that promise because if they don't, they will end up not meeting the other person. But now that there is handphone, people no longer bother with being on time. They can always SMS to say they will be late. This is where technology really screws us up.

Fb encourages you to intrude into other people's lives. MSN encourages you to do personal stuff during working hours. Facebook, MSN, PS3, handphones, internet, television, blogging...all of it will cost us our relationship. I am so pissed with technology that I have long stopped MSN-ing, YM-ing, and now I've stopped using my handphone. I've bought a watch and an alarm clock so that I don't need to use the handphone anymore.

ihsan @ 8:08 PM

Bound by the Beloved
The saddest thing to inflict the world today is how a Muslim can put down other Muslims. I used to be less critical of other Muslims, but like a disease, I have now joined the masses. I suppose if your iman is still strong, you will be able to look at the goodness in everything but once your heart is ill, you don't see any of that anymore. I still have a clear memory of everything I used to be and comparing it with who I am now, it is a shame. Every clearly lowly thing I do, I will be saying to myself, two years ago, I wouldn't be doing this. It's like being addicted to drugs, where you feel completely helpless.

Rasulullah saw always recommended straightening the congregational row (saf) and filling in any gaps in between because if the row is not straight or joined, it will cause differences between the people. Therefore if there are any gaps in a saf, it is a symbol of a split.

What a lot of people forget is that we are all joined together, bound together by the Prophet saw. It is not a physical bond, but a spiritual bond. Lucky are those who are split apart but bound by Rasulullah saw nevertheless. I do not understand why there must be a split when we have one Prophet we all love. It reminds me of many, many years back when a pastor said to me, "In Christianity, we have many different sects, just like in Islam." I naively answered, "No, in Islam there are no sects, there is only one." Upon learning about Islam, I was saddened to find that we are separated into many different sects, each one claiming to be the correct one. Heck, even in tariqah you see an obvious split, sometimes because of fame, sometimes because of money although nobody will admit that as those are carnal sins in sufism. But what do I care anymore since I do not have a good impression of anybody these days. If people decide to fight between themselves and they don't care that the Prophet saw is what bound them together, why is that any of my business, right?

Those who have lost their loved ones will know that physical separation does not mean spiritual separation. You can sit in the same room with someone and be spiritually and emotionally apart. Likewise, you can be sitting 1000 miles from a person but be spiritually and emotionally connected. Sometimes it is better to be physically apart and spiritually connected.

ihsan @ 9:47 AM

2009/12/22

It's strange that people should blame all misfortune on Fate. Whereas we know that Fate doesn't work that way. You cannot sit down doing nothing and expect money to fall from the sky. The same thing, if we don't put in any EFFORT, obviously when things don't work out, it is not exactly because of fate, rather it is our own lack of effort.

But no, some people would rather say everything is fated, blah, blah, blah. I am actually quite tired of people blaming everything on either fate or Syaitan/Jinn. These people do not see that things don't work out because they expect everything to fall onto their laps. They expect some kind of karamah in their lives such that everything will work out for them without doing anything and everybody will love them without them showing good character.

The worst would be liars, who lie about how much they have in their pocket. And if people are telling me to be more Islamic, well, I've yet to regain any sort of Islamic values because I've had a lot of help from some people the past year to lose all my Islamic values.

Isn't it true that in Islam, you should plan your way, not just be some careless goon, expecting people to feel pity for you after you obviously ignore the rules? Why is it so hard for Muslims today to be on time? Is it because they don't believe anymore that what comes out of their mouths are promises? Is it so bloody hard to keep promises. I am so tired of broken promises, and this really tops it all. Blame it on fate all you want, you will never see your mistakes that way, and it's always fate's fault, never yours.

ihsan @ 8:38 PM

2009/12/18

Dakwah
A discussion many days ago among a group of people led me to think about certain things. They were discussing tabligh and the way of dakwah. Many were not impressed with the way they leave their wives and children behind without nafkah. The funny thing in life is most women I know are very particular about nafkah. If nafkah is not given, it is ALWAYS an issue. Yet men today always fail to see the importance of this responsibility.

Anyway, as it goes, even the men in the group were not so impressed by the tabligh ways, although they do agree there are some good in what they do. The biggest issue here is of course - leaving the wives and children. One person commented that in the past, the Companions do leave the wives and children for a certain period of time, yet the Companions' wives were supportive. Why is this so? He commented it must be because the Companions must have shown a lot of credibility in their dakwah for their wives to support them 100%. He commented that men these days do not show that kind of credibility - not in their character or their behaviour. These days men go on dakwah without even bothering about the basics of syariah and the basics of akhlak. So how can the wives and children be convinced? I do agree 100%. How can you be doing dakwah when your own family ties are in shambles? How can you teach other people's children when your own children are not guided?

The biggest challenge in dakwah is to improve your own character so that when others look at your character, they learn something. It is not about giving a good speech which makes people cry, or reciting verses from the Quran impressing people with your good memory. It is more difficult than standing in front of a crowd, and that's why not many actually do this kind of dakwah. Some are only interested in dakwah to the masses, to gain fame and name.

ihsan @ 2:09 PM

Alhamdulillah, It's Friday
It's the New Year, and unfortunately, I passed out from 4.30pm to 10.30pm out of total exhaustion and did not hear the alarm clock at all. Therefore I missed the end year and new year du'a. The mufti himself read the much argued upon du'a for those who think people read it our of sheer ignorance.

I did however dream of Ba'alwie and the habib. I haven't been there for ages. The past year makes me think how people can attend all these majlis and never spare a thought about improving their akhlak. It remains stagnant as they boast about who they learn from and who they know, what they attend. Seeing as to how attending majlis did not help me much, and never did improve my akhlak, I do question my attendance. It is a shame though that I have not learnt anything new in one year. But what is the use of knowledge if it is not practised and not able to help you in your time of need?

How long a person takes to figure things out after a major spiritual downfall, only God knows. In the midst of such a downfall, one realizes that there is nobody there who can actually help but God.

ihsan @ 1:35 PM

2009/12/11

AIF
Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ. (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

Only now do many things which happen in the past make sense. Strange how there's an arrangement to everything that happens. When we fear something, it makes us turn to Allah swt. Makes you wonder whether what you fear may in fact be a blessing to you instead of misfortune.

ihsan @ 12:37 AM

2009/12/02

I read the paper today and a man commented that a woman should always try to look pretty for the husband, especially when they reach the middle-aged range, so that the man won't look for other women. Which reminds me of a a discussion I heard many months ago. The women were all saying the same thing - if the husband expects the wife to still be that way after years of marriage, they too should practice the same thing. No wife wants a husband smelling bad, wearing clothes for days and days, don't take care of his hygiene or looks either.

I guess men believe the myth that no matter how bad they look, how smelly they are and how unhygienic they are, women don't mind. It's crazy. If the husband is that way, of course the wife won't be bothered either, right? Funny how men think. The fact is, this is not even my opinion - it is the opinion of no less than 5 married women in the discussion I heard.

It is natural that couples don't bother anymore about many things after years of marriage. You cannot compare a pair of newly weds to couples who've been married for ages. Of course things change...duh...

Whatever a human being is looking for in life, he/she should not be looking for it in his/her partner, because he/she will never find it there.

ihsan @ 8:50 PM

2009/11/29

ihsan @ 12:27 PM

2009/11/26

Double Blessings Day
Yet again, eid this year falls on a Friday...Allahu Akbar. Blessed eid to all...may Allah swt forgive our sins.

ihsan @ 9:39 PM

2009/11/21

A writer has social responsibility to a certain extent. A writer should not be writing without giving consideration to the readers. This was the topic that a few friends discussed. A well-respected professor once said that if he had disagreement on certain issues with some other scholars, he would not bring it to the newspapers. He would invite the scholars for a discussion. Yet these days, we see all kinds of discussions going on in newspapers, books etc. It always ends with no conclusion, and it ends up confusing many.

There are certain writers whom I think have absolutely no consideration for their readers. They are loud in airing their opinions, without thinking how it affects the image of the religion, the race or the community in general. They are happy to bring controversy, but is controversy what we need to solve issues? Not necessarily. When emotions run high, you can expect a lot of nonsensical talk. Everybody right down to the pakcik at the coffeeshop will have his two cents worth, and we end up engaging in idle talk.

Does supporting what is obviously prohibited in our religion mean we are being progressive, open, non-judgmental and merciful? Or does being merciful mean hating the sin but not the sinner?

I once wrote to the local newspaper on a controversial issue. It brings to light many issues which have been ignored for so long. I got a call from one of the editors who said that he found the article very interesting and he said I should send in my writing more often. They will consider putting it as an opinion piece. After the call, I began thinking. That's when I realised I don't think the article should be published in the papers. So I prayed that it will not be published, and thank God it was not.

After thinking, I felt it was better that the letter was addressed to the proper people and I sent the letter to these people. Of course, the letter was ignored completely. If it had been published though, it would have caused a lot of commotion - one which will do more harm than good. Yes, it will receive the attention of the people I addressed it to, but it will also cause a lot of useless argument.

Therefore I have banned myself from writing unless I am completely sure it will not harm. Writing a blog is one thing, writing a newspaper or a printed material is another. When you are writing to the masses, it's more than just about you.

Yet we continue to have writers who write nonsensical things, bring wrong ideas about the religion and basically, don't care at all how whether their writing makes sense. They are not addressing issues, it's they themselves who have issues.

ihsan @ 12:19 PM

2009/11/18

I had a conversation with some friends today about Madinah school of thought and other-than-Madinah school of thought. Apparently, there was a recent argument between one of my friends who studied in Egypt and another who studied in Madinah.

I pointed out that this argument has gone on for ages, between various people and it will never end. It will be better if we respect each other and quit talking about it because nobody is going to switch sides, really. Those who believe in Tasawuf will continue to do so, and those who don't will continue to do so.

Yet the arguments go on and on with no conclusion and much frustration. What is the point? In fact, these arguments tend to get really heated up. I don't even bother arguing with those who say tariqah condones bid'ah and those who say these people are doomed in Hell. I've heard it a million times.

While I'm trying to make sense of my life, which isn't making much sense right now, I cannot be bothered to enter such a futile argument.

ihsan @ 11:52 PM